8/08/26 (початок!!)

 hi hi  hi hi hi hello hi i am natti and this is my nat blog!! starting today!!!

today i thought about alot of things, i ended up on the floor Dropped from self-pity. i thought about will graham but that was because Red Dragon by Thomas Harris was next to my head, i thought about angels although being raised anti religious, i thought about how ive been seeing the angel numbers 1111 & 333,  i thought about patrick jane; the ways we are similar and how i can redeem myself. then i got up, inspired by my soon to come redemption!! i asked reddit alot of questions then went on an adventure to grab a whiteboard to try out a new study method. 

i have a confession. i lied about falling from self-pity. i actually just stood up from my desk and my right knee gave out, i gave up too, self pity kept me on the floor

further talking about the angel thoughts: i dont believe in any gods but would it be a little strange to say i believe in angels? guardian angels. im a fatalist but i dont think itd be entirely stupid to think there is some higher form of life making sure everything stays on track; like a guardian angel! but im not sure, would it contradict my beliefs about the afterlife since i dont believe in an afterlife (as much as id like to). it could still make sense but i havent put enough thought into it yet, i wasnt on the floor for thattt long

further talking about patrick jane: for context patrick jane is the main character of The Mentalist, im on season 2 right now and i couldnt help but notice the VERY SLIGHT similarities between us, behavior i mean, just imagine him as an introvert. which is impossible because him being an extrovert is a huge part of his character but okay whatever, getting to the point- i am wasting my time! i need to regain control! i adopted this persona of a timid girl to fawn towards a few people in a complicated situation last year and it just stuck, its just an overly overexaggerated version of how i am when im nervous, this is what i imagine method acting is like when you do it for too long. I am dropping that NOW!!!! so i got up from my floor to begin my redemption! but also because my mother wouldve gotten home and seen me on the floor looking very dead. can you imagine that? im chuckling thinking about how i wouldve looked, layed out like a starfish 

https://music.apple.com/au/album/if-i-cleaned-everything-would-you-come-back-variations/1017591573?i=1017591856 4:20 ×͜×